Ashtray Hearts
by Shelna
Summary: This is no love story. This fic is about the backside of Hogwarts. The backside of life. Sex, drugs, and alcohol, should have a rock and roll soundtrack. Includes slash and violance, and a lot of Draco. Based on real events. Fin
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: I own only a very few characters.

A/n: This is not a love story. This is not a.. what is it they call it? 'Puppy' story. If this goes right, this fic will be _wrong_. If you're in a good mood, this might not be the fic for you. Got other stuff for you, in my other fics. I hope to make this intense, and the purpose is the _shake you._ That said, I hope it to be the best I have ever written. There will be slash. Yes TP, more detailed then before. There will be abuse. Sexually, physically and mentally.

This world is fucked up. It is cruel, cold and heartless. Weak are to forever be weak and powerless, and the strongest will survive. At great cost, at times.

Take it from me- the strongest might be the ones to hurt the most.

All scenes are based on real events.

_Tell me one more lie_

_give me one more lie_

_white lie, black lie_

_a lie is a lie_

_(from Crazy Moon)_

This fic is best read at night, in the dark, with a good soundtrack, like Placebo's "Meds" album.

**Ashtray hearts.**

Part I.

"Swallow."

He looked down at the other boy, dragging smoke into his lungs from his freshly lit cigarette.

As he was obeyed, he smirked slightly. He could see the hidden displeasure in the others body language, and his smirk widened just a bit.

"That's my boy." he said simply, and zipped up his flyer. Taking another heavy drag of his cigarette, he took a few steps away, not looking at the other.

"Damn you, Malfoy.." the other boy muttered, wiping his mouth, his voice threatening to give in. "You really are a cold son of a bitch, aren't you?"

The pretty blonde just shrugged, and turned to leave.

-lie-

Next morning, Draco Malfoy was pulled aside in the corridor by the same bloke that gave him head the night before.

"You just left!" he whispered intensely, gripping his arm.

Malfoy stared at him, as if he had been a beggar, taking up his time. And Malfoys hate beggars.

"What, were you expecting me to stay and cuddle you?" he spit sarcastically. Raising an eyebrow, he realized that he had. "What? I never gave any indication of that, did I?"

Lester shook his head, sighing. "You could have said something. Anything." He was so tired of this. Every fucking time, this happened, and every time, he let it get to him.

"You do a decant blowjob. _Now._ There. Happy?" Malfoy raised his eyebrows, in a questioning though still mocking way.

Lester was near tears, not so much in reaction to Malfoy, but because of letting himself care.

"Up yours, Malfoy..." he muttered, and turned to leave.

This time, it was Malfoy holding him back.

"Oh, don't worry, we'll get to that. But first, up _yours_. Tomorrow. My room. Eight." His voice was low but intense, and whispered directly into his ear. Malfoy then bit his earlobe, and was walking of.

"Damn it," Lester muttered. "Damn him."

-lie-

He came, of course.

He had decided not to, then thought he'd come to tell him off, then thought about teasing him, and then leaving.

As if that would happen.

Some people, some without even realizing it, can get the hold of other people. Just by snapping their fingers, you can not refuse them anything. And some people are easily led. Lester was one of the latter, and he hated it.

Mostly because what people of the first sort, like Malfoy, could make him do. It was not just the physical attraction and the way you get fascinated by them, sucked in, it was an.. intenseness. When you have the attention of one of these people, it is like the sun is shining, only on you. But when their focus shifts, it is like you will never see daylight again, and you'll do anything to get the sunshine back.

It's an addiction, one that is hard to beat.

The moment Malfoy opened his door and let him in, they both knew he'd won.

Lester easily fell for the game, and Malfoy had perfected it.

At least this time, he started by kissing him passionately. Then before he knew what hit him, Lester was standing there in his t-shirt and jeans, his other clothes on the floor. Malfoy paused, buttoned up his own shirt, and let it fall to the floor.

"Kiss my neck," he ordered, in a softer tone then he usually used. Lester knew very well it was another way of pulling him further in, but still couldn't help himself. There went his belt, (he kicked his shoes and socks off) and moved his hands up Malfoys pale chest. As if it was moments later, they ended up on the bed, suddenly nearly naked.

All the sudden, Lester found himself doing things he would never even imagine. There were biting, scratching, and at one point Malfoy held so tightly around his wrist that Lester knew he'd get an ugly bruise. When Malfoy handed him a wooden stick, on the other hand, he was about to protest.

"Bite on that."

-lie-

There had been no cuddling. Not that Lester had expected it, but it would have been nice, he thought. After all, he had just lost his virginity to a guy who just rolled over on his back afterwards, and lit a cigarette, without even looking at him.

"I'm still just a pretty ass to you, aren't I?" he asked, deciding it was the last time he would.

"Don't flatter yourself," was the answer blown into his face, along with the cigarette smoke.

That was it. Lester sat up on the bed, and started going through the pile of clothes on the floor. Finding a pair of pants that he thought was his, he noticed stains on the inside of one thigh. A blood stain. Wondering what the hell had happened, he checked the pockets. Two gallions, a few sickles, a lighter, two condoms and a pocket knife. Not his pants. Opening the knife, was his suspicions strengthened. As he dragged up his own pants, he looked up at Malfoy and nodded towards the knife, raising his eyebrows.

The blonde wonder answered by dragging him down to the bed, snitching the knife out of his hand, and stumping his cigarette on his chest.

It was all done before Lester could even react- he had never seen it coming.

He sweared loudly, the pain spreading through his ribs, from the burn. Pulling on his robe and stuffing his other clothes into his bag, he stormed out, to the disturbing sound of Malfoy _laughing._ A cruel, the-hell-with-it-all kind of a laugh.

A/n: What to say? First take. The term 'Ashtray hearts', is the original name of Placebo. Think I've read somewhere that Brian Molko made that up, and I think he has used it in a song once. So no credit to me for that. But I had to use it, because, as TP says, "It's deep on weird levels".


	2. Part 2

A/n: Written continuously with part one. Separated to make it easier read.

**Ashtray Hearts.**

Part II.

Hermione Granger was reading. Studying, in fact. It sometimes felt like that was all she ever did. She woke up, went to classes, ate, hang around with Harry and Ron a bit, then studied, then slept. Every single day. Every fucking day for years and years.

Hermione was tired. She was tired of studying, tired of being a Griffindor, tired of being such a good girl, tired of doing what was expected of her. She was tired of being tired.

It was in fourth year, it had happened. By coincidence, she had walked in on a seventh grader and a fifth year student, in the middle of a deal.

Being of muggle upbringing, and being used to noticing things, she immediately recognized the packs of cigarettes, and the tiny bag as they shifted hands. Suddenly finding herself face to face with one of Hogwarts dealers, she was dumbstruck, and just stared. The fifth year student disappeared out the door, and the dealer pushed her up towards the wall, telling her what would happen if she told anyone.

It had been just like something out of a bad High School movie.

Hermione had sworn not to tell anyone, and asked if they sold other things then drugs and cigarettes. Like aspirin, or sleeping pills.

That's how she got to know the dealers. Not far into her fifth year, the painkillers and sleeping pills had not been enough, and she had tried heavier stuff. Before Christmas that year, was she heavily addicted to cocaine.

Now, when the studying got to much for her, all she had to do, was to excuse herself into the bathroom, or the dorm, if it was empty, and take a small sniff from her fingernail. Logically, she knew that it did her a lot more damage then good, but she was too hung up on it to even think about cutting down, let alone quitting.

Now she scratched up all the money she had, (most of it her mother had given her to buy some new clothes) and was getting ready to see her dealer. She was considering to buy a little speed as well, to get ahead on her homework this weekend, though she wasn't sure if it was worth the downfall.

When she entered the room where she was to meet her dealer, she found him with a fourth year girl, clearly threatening her. She saw Hermiones prefect badge, and a shimmer of hope went through her face. Hermione was glad her face was in the shade, so the girl couldn't see her properly.

The girl called out something to her about helping her, but it all became like in slow motion. She saw the girl, struggling in the much older boys grip, she _knew_ she should help, but she also knew that if she went against her dealer, there would be no more coke for little Hermione, for as long as she lived at Hogwarts.

She just stared at the girl, who now where trying to say something about telling Dumbledore. Unable to say a word, and as if in a dream, she slowly pulled out her bullet-formed necklace, screwed it open, pulled out a fingernail of her last coke, and snorted it, looking at the girl.

It looked as though the girl would cry. He said some more stuff to her, that Hermione couldn't quite catch, (fresh dose, a bit more then intended, focus on standing straight) and the moment the dealer let go of her, she ran out the door.

"We'll be quick," he told her, and Hermione handed him the money.

Turning away from him to hide the little bags in her brae, Hermione for the first time since she realized she was hooked, felt like a junkie.

-lie-

Upon suddenly finding himself without a pretty boy to push around, Draco found himself bored senseless. Though having any feeling at all was a nice change, he grew tired of it after half an hour.

Sitting down for a cigarette on a balcony in third floor, he started thinking.

He needed something new to occupy him, something else then fucking half-pretty Slytherins. What he needed, was a challenge. A good challenge, with a great reward.

What was it, anyway, that he couldn't have? He wasn't really sure, but had the feeling that there was something lurking, in the back of his mind, threatening never to move over to his concious side.

Then, by pure accident, he sighed to himself, bored of it all. _I could just pick one of then,_ he though, looking down at the ground beneath him.

And at that moment, his challenge walked into his sight, with his friends.

"Perfect."

-lie-

"It is quite surprising that I did not become aware of this earlier," he called, pulling her favourite sweater out of her dresser, and throwing it at the bin. Earlier that day, Draco had suddenly gotten into a cheerful mood, and told her it was about time he went through her clothes, "helping her get rid of the worst of it", as he said.

It didn't really matter much to her that it meant he would throw out half her stuff. It was an excuse to be around Draco, it made him like her appearance better, and it meant he would have to go shopping with her, first in Hogsmead, and then, first vacation, in London. And whatever involved Draco, Pansy did not mind.

"When I think about it, I started to wonder in third grade already, if he was swinging both ways. And he hates me- it's perfect."

Pansy took a deep sigh, and walked over to the bed, to sit down.

"Well, you certainly do have a bit of work in front of you."

He just shrugged, and threw out another sweater. It didn't seem to be as important to him that she had first though- it was like quidditch practise, without the prestige- it was just something for him to do.

"Alright," she sighed, pulling a hand through her hair. "So what if he's gay. And you manage to get contact with him, get him to listen to you. Then what?"

Draco seemed to be thinking about this a little while, then he smirked at her. Goodness, how she loved and hated that smirk. It was a fucking great smirk, and she loved what he could do to people with it. But she hated what it did to her- Pansy was the kind of girl who preferred her knees the way they usually was, thank you very much, and not made into jelly.

"Then I make him addicted to me. I can't make him fall for me, or like me, and certainly not trust me- we have to much history for that. But addicted, that I can do." Draco said this as if it was just as natural to make someone 'addicted', as he said, to you, as it was to try to get to know them.

A/n: Draco does _still_ wear eye-liner. I still haven't given that up. And he cares about clothes, too. Not fashion so much, but style. So hah!


	3. Part 3

Part III.

It was not easy being Harry Potter.

Famous as they come, and the talk of the school, there was not much room for failure. If he got a D on a test, the entire school knew about it in a matter of minutes. Or, those of them that gave a shit, that was.

It was also a known fact what happened in Harrys lovelife- or to be more precise, the fact that he didn't have one.

But gossip he could live with- heck, he'd even gotten used to the whole Voldermort situation. What really bothered Harry, was this lurking feeling he had, that there was something else. Something, or someone, that meant more to him then he was willing to admit- not even to himself, so he drove himself insane wondering about it. One day, though, he noticed that Malfoy was looking at him, from the Slytherin table.

This was not that odd, but the fact that their eyes met, was. There was an intensity to the way their eyes was glued together, that shook Harry. He then realised some things about Malfoys, that made him realize some things about himself.

Though Harry would never fall for a guy like Malfoy, he certainly was attractive. Though he never really thought much about these kinds of things, he suddenly found himself asking an unnecessary question- if Malfoy wasn't Malfoy, would I do him, if I had the chance?

As Harry couldn't make himself say no to that, he looked away, annoyed at himself and the world.

-lie-

Hermione was having a rather difficult time.

Her use had gone up, but her cash-float had gone down. Of course she saw the connection, but was more concerned with how to get her next score.

Meeting her dealer, she had barely managed to scrape together one stinking gallion.

He was late, (of course) and she started humming a song she had heard on the radio years ago. _He's never early, he's always late, first thing you learn is that you always have to wait.. I'm, waiting for my man._

When he arrived, he was grumpy. Grumpier then usual.

"You're gonna have to do something for me." he said, handing her twice the amount she's paid for.

Feeling her anxiety levels rise, all Hermiones instincts told her to run. Far away.

"You'll have to stay here and trade these packages to some clients. They will be arriving within an hour and a half, individually," he handed her a bag of packages wrapped in brown paper, of various sizes. "Price and ID written on them." Then he just left.

Hermione stared at the doorway where he had been, then down at the bag in her arms, then at the doorway again. Finally she took one of the packages out of the bag, and studied the markings on it.

3G, 7S – MB

_Hm._ Was all she could think.

Taking out the other packages, the other markings made little more sence.

16S, 4 – FL

2G – AE

7S – SV

2G, 4S- DM

Staring at the markings, Hermione felt her heart beat faster. Maybe that was why she simply did as she has been told- or maybe it was just the fear of being denied future buys.

About fifteen minutes later, Asheen Ewanson, a seventh year student, arrived, and handed her two gallions, after finding out why she was standing in. Suddenly the markings made sense- two gallions, AE. Hermione handed him the 2G-AE.

Now that she knew the system, her confidence rises, and Hermione greets the next clients without trouble.

-lie-

As the door opened for the last pick-up, Hermione was sure her jaw would hit the floor. The last pack, the most expensive one, had the IDmark 'DM', but she hadn't gotten around to thinking as far as to who 'DM' could be.

Therefore the surprise when a certain blonde Slytherin walked in.

"You?" he asked grumpily, and pulled his hand through his hair. He looked tired- more tided then she had ever seen him before.

"You're DM," she muttered, slightly nodding her head, the pieces falling into place now.

He seemed to react to this, and noticed the package she was holding. Raising an eyebrow, he looked at her.

"What are you doing with that?" He asked, his back straitening up, like an animal preparing for attack.

"I am standing in," she hurried to say. Then she bit her lip, realising that he was realising it.

He raised the other eyebrow as well, still looking at her. "Aha. Actually didn't know you where into this, Granger. Coke? Or speed?"

When she didn't answer, he just got a look in his face like he knew anyway.

"Right. Well, let's get this over with. I don't want to stand around here with you all day." His tone was not as much mocking, as it was coming from true amusement.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" she asked, as she stuffed away his money, into the small bag her dealer had given her.

"Look at it from my point of view, Granger. I've got you, now. You have no idea what I bought- except from the fact that there are cigarettes in here." He hinted towards the package, as he stuffed it into his bag. She hadn't thought about that, but come to think of it, that was the only logical option for what took up that much space.

She shook her head, fumbling for her coke. "Just cigarettes would not be that expensive." For some reason, she didn't mind sniffing in front of him- he already knew.

He didn't seem to react to this, just took out the last cigarette from a free pack in his bag, and lit it up. "Well, you have more to lose."

It took her a little while to think about that. She had her friends. Ron. Her parents, that she really loved. Her education. Her entire life. What did he have? His pride? It seemed to her, that Malfoys life was physical pleasure only- and that it mattered less to him whether people hated him or not. And they already did, didn't they? Perhaps even Malfoy himself.

"Okey, you win." she muttered, looking away from him. "You're going to blackmail me now, aren't you?"

"Yes I am."

-lie-

So thereby he got the information on Potter he wanted. She refused to tell him anything concerning you-know-who, or things told her in confidence, but he didn't need that stuff. What he needed, was a closer look at Potter as a _person_. What did he like? What did he do with his time? How best to get him connected to you.

A/n: Next part coming up soon.


	4. Part 4

History of magic. The class seemed half asleep after only half an hour- it had been a hard week. Their professor was going on and on about something that had nothing to do with the curriculum, and no one was paying any attention to it anyway.

This was the moment Draco had been waiting for.

Smirking, he let his eyes linger on Potter. As soon as he had gotten the others attention, he slowly licked his own lips, in two delicate circles, his eyes still glued to Potters face.

Well aware of the teasing look in his face, he carefully bit his lip. He had done this as the first step in seducing

many a young student- and it always worked. Pansy said it was the look he had in his face while doing these kind of things- Draco didn't really give a shit, as long as it got him what he wanted.

Potter just stared at him, obviously influenced in some way. Part one of Dracos plan was completed.

-lie-

This was repeated several times (with variation, of course) and Harry grew more and more confused and curious. He now found himself looking over at Malfoy, half hoping for for some clue to what was going on.

Or, it was obvious that Malfoy was teasing him (lollipop-licking seemed to be his all time favourite) but the big question was of course _why_.

-lie-

Draco was amusing himself with this for weeks.

He could tell by Potters looks that it sure as hell was working, and obviously that pleased him.

But one day, he got bored of this phase, so he decided to take a shot at bringing things to the next level. Time for part two.

At dinner that evening, (after having been called a tease by Pansy, after demonstrating the eating of strawberries) he waited for the other to look at him, before he grabbed a bottle of pumpkin juice, and got up to leave.

Suddenly meeting his gaze, he could see Potters astonishment.

Eyes still in Potters, he left the Great Hall, knowing the other would follow.

-lie-

Stepping through the hallways, he can hear Potters footsteps behind him. Slipping into the nearest empty room, he leaves the door open, and sits down.

As Potter enters, he quietly motions for him to close the door.

"Listen, Malfoy, I don't know what you think you're doing, but-" As he talked, Potter closed the door, and waved his hands, looking very nervous, and a bit mad. At himself, Draco figured, for taking the bate.

"Pumpkin juice?" Draco asked him politely, in a casual voice, interrupting the others ramblings.

Potter just stared at him, like it had been an unusual question.

"I asked if you wanted some pumpkin juice." Draco said, in a very explanatory way, as if talking to a six-year-old.

"Um.. yeah, thanks.." Potter looked as if in shock – this he had certainly not expected.

Draco held back a smile, and conjured two glasses. "Sit down," he offered, elegantly motioning towards the other part of the sofa he was sitting on. He had to admit to himself, that Potter certainly was cute when he was confused.

Handing him the class of juice, Draco smiled sweetly.

"What.. what is this?" Potter asked, looking suspiciously from the glass in his hand, to Draco.

"That is pumpkin juice, Potter." Draco answered smoothly, still as if talking to a child. Also a part of the strategy.

"I know that!" Potter snapped, still with a confused look in his face. "I mean THIS. What are you trying to do, Malfoy? What's with the looks, the.. teasing.. and the pumpkin juice?"

At this, Draco couldn't help but smirk. Simply taking a sip of his glass, Draco took his time before answering.

"I have taken an interest in you, Potter. Don't ask me why- I can not quite understand it myself." He called coolly, looking unaffected, as always.

Potter stared. And stared. Draco had to hold himself back not to laugh at the sight- Potter looked utterly shocked. "I suppose I should inform you that your mouth is open." Draco said calmly, and took another sip of the juice.

Closing his mouth slowly, Potter kept on staring. He then opened it again, as to say something, but changes his mind again, a few times.

"I can't believe I actually believe you," he muttered at last, finally taking his eyes off Draco.

Pleased with the response, Draco allowed himself a small grin.

"Good," he cooed, and added impishly; "and I suppose you're aware of the fact that it is more then mutual?"

-lie-

After this first confrontation, Harry didn't feel like himself. He thought about it all the time, though the memory of it was but a blur.

He had nodded slightly, looked down, and then at Malfoy again. The blonde had smirked, nodded, and walked out, saying something about contacting him later.

Later. How much later, would later have to be? Harry waited. He waited in dread and anticipation, tried to ignore it, forget it, but kept thinking about it, all the time.

Malfoy fancied him. Goodness. He wanted to scream it out loud, in mocking and joy, but couldn't even get himself to whisper it when he was alone.

A/n: Writers block. And sick. No idea when I'll update, but I think it's soon. Didn't bother to beta or re-write either.


	5. Part 5

Ashtray Hearts.

Part V.

-No thanks, Harry told Malfoys pack of cigarettes, that had been offered him. The blonde shrugged while throwing them elegantly pack into his bag, and lit his own, leaning his head to the left. Inhaling heavily, he shifted his eyes over to Harry.

-All right then, let's get a few things straight, just for the record, he cooed sweetly, through the smoke. -Officially, none of this ever happened. You shouldn't take it seriously, or believe it to be more then it is. Unspoken rules must never be broken. Understand?

Malfoy took another heavy drag of his cigarette, and looked at him.

Harry nodded. -Yeah, sure, he agreed.

-Good. I only bring it up, because some people are too ignorant to know the difference.

_The difference, _Harry thought. _Between what? Sex and love? Open and hidden relationships? Whatever._

-lie-

As he finished his cigarette, Draco looked over at Harry again. They hadn't spoken much, but it had felt natural that they didn't. Man, that boy was actually really attractive, Draco realised. Good. Killing his cigarette, he smirked to himself. He sure knew how to pick'em. Now that he had won the first battle, all he had to do was to bring in the victory.

How far would he take it? Should he be satisfied with one kiss? One shag? Make Potter proclaim his feeling? What should the goal of it all be? He wasn't sure. But when looking at this black haired boy, he knew he would stop at nothing to shag him, at least once.

Walking over to sit down next to him, he smiled at the other boy.

-Now that we have that settled... he began, smile widening, showing hints of his old smirk. Without another word, he leaned over, and kissed Potter, who in pure surprise at this, opened his mouth, as if to say something. Draco did of course take advantage of this golden opportunity, and deepened the kiss. Feeling Potter responding to the kiss, he pulled away, teasingly.

"I..." he heard Potter mutter, looking away. Draco used the opportunity to smirk, when Potter couldn't see it. Without waiting for what Potter had meant to say, Draco kissed him again.

-lie-

Knowing Potter was nearly unkissed, Draco took things a lot slower then he usually would. They met up several times a day, just to kiss, eventually with a little hands, and it wasn't until after nearly a week after the confrontation, he got impatient enough to take things to the next level.

He had brought Potter to one of the prefects bathrooms, and quickly locked the doors.

He saw Potter swallow nervously as he realised where they were, and managed to hide his amusement over this. Turning his back to the other, he pulled out a tiny box from his pocket, unscrewed the lid, and took a sniff. It didn't seem like Potter noticed it- just as good. Might have scared him away. Turning to look at him again, Draco smiled, partly from the high.

"Don't worry, Potter. I won't hurt you," he cooed, adding impishly; "unless you ask me to."

The handsome griffindor laughed quietly, smiling. "It's Harry, to you. When we're alone."

Draco smiled, and walked over to wrapl his arms around Po- Harry. _Hell, why not just play along? If he wants to think this is love, then sure, fine. Might make him more obedient. _

Slowly, he began opening the others robes, and letting them slip to the floor. Harry hesitated, before he started doing the same to Dracos robes. Robes off, Draco kissed him again, more passionately.

Hands wander, and Dracos stop on Harrys belt buckle. They brake apart, and Draco look into the greenest of eyes, pretending to care whether it's all right that he removes the belt. This keeps happening, until they are both standing there in their boxers, Harrys hands on Dracos hips, Dracos' on Harrys shoulders.

"We should get in the bath..." Harry mutters insecurely, looking at the hot water.

Draco smiled a genuine smile, letting go of him, and walking over to the edge.

"Okey, and you seem to be shy, so I won't look," he promises, taking his own underwear off, and sliding into the water. Feeling the warmness around him, he closes his eyes for a moment, his back still at Harry. Hearing the sound of another body entering the bath, he smiles to himself again, but doesn't open his eyes. It's not until soft lips touch his back, he turns to look at Harry.

He smiles again, and opens the little snake he carries around his neck. Pouring out a little pile of white powder on top of his hand, in the corner between his thumb and longest finger, he looks up at Harry again. Taking it all in one sniff, he makes a new one, offering the surprised Harry, who in pure shock and curiosity, accepts the offer, without really knowing what it is.

Draco then smiles again, and kisses him.

-lie-

The rest of the night was but a blur in Harrys memory. It was like one of those scenes from a movie, where the camera is out of focus, and all you can hear are muffled voices or loud music.

He remembered the feeling of the water moving around him every time one of them moved, he remembered them kissing, and the feeling of the edge of the bath pressed against him, and Draco.. Dracos hands, his lips on Harrys neck and shoulder, nibbling his earlobe... and then...

Harry didn't want to think about what had happened. Had he tried to refuse? Maybe he had, but Draco had just kept kissing him, persuaded him, made him want it too...

Damn it, Harry thought. He cursed himself for letting that happen, and desperately tried to think of ways to make it happen again. And again.

-lie-

Feeling like a helpless little idiot, Hermione had to accept the fact that she could no longer afford her use. She needed her fix, more of it then before, and she could only see one way to get it.

She went to the only person besides her dealer that knew she was hooked, her blackmailer.

They hadn't seen much of each other lately- once Malfoy had gotten the information he wanted, he had mostly left her alone. But now they were alone again, in an abandoned hallway.

Malfoy lit a cigarette, and slowly looked up at her.

"What do you want, Granger?" he asked coldly.

She ran her hand through her hair, then gripped around her bullet.

"A deal." she said, her eyes darting nervously around the room. "I need.. I need money. Money for my coke... You can afford it."

She looked over at him, then away again, feeling a blush of shame spreading over her face. Goodness, how she hated this! He smirked slightly, taking a few heavy drags of his cigarette.

"True," he cooed sweetly, the adding in a tone colder then most ice cubes Hermione had encountered; "What do you have to offer?"

She gave a heavy sigh. She had thought about that. What could she offer the guy who had everything, even good looks?

"There most be something you want..." she said quietly, closing her eyes, feeling the shame nearly taking control over her.

-lie-

All the sudden Draco found himself in a potentially very beneficial position. Here he had himself an addic, a desperate addic, and he had what she wanted. And this addic just happened to be one of Harry Potters very best friends.

Now, he had the choice. His interest was divided- personally, he wanted more information to help him get full control over Potter, but he knew it would help his father, and everything their side believed in, if he got some information that could help the Dark Lord bring him down.

Cleaver as he was, he decided to go for a combination of both.

_A/n: what to say? Working on next part. Will beta and update the existing chapters, just.. not yet._


	6. Part 6

Disclaimer: I still don't own the Potter universe.

A/n: Potter universe.. I read Potter University... now THAT's an idea. Educating people in the finer arts of Potter obsession... discussing details... ah, if I get a writers block I'll make that page...

Well, aaaaanyways, here's the newest part.

**Ashtray Hearts.**

Part VI

Ron and Harry were walking through the castle after their last lesson for the day, when they spotted a door that wasn't entirely shut, and heard familiar voices. Entering to see what was going on, they found Hermione sitting on the floor in a corner, and Malfoy standing besides her, smirking. Hermione looked heartbroken.

Ron could feel the anger growing inside him, and if Harry hadn't hold him back, he probably would have jumped at Malfoy and started beating him right then and there.

"Gettoffme!" he called to Harry, who still didn't let go of his arm, staring at the two. "If he has harmed her in any way I'll beat the crap outta him!"

Malfoy rolled his eyes, and smiled sweetly.

"Always assuming the worst, aren't you Weasley? I haven't done anything to her. We were merely having a conversation." His words were calm, and his face blank, but there was something teasing about it all, still.

Before Ron knew what had happened, his fists had come in contact with Malfoys face. Like in slow motion, he moved to hit him again, but someone -seemed like Hermione- pulled him away, and held him back. Malfoy was suddenly in the middle of the room, all between him and the door being Harry. He didn't hesitate for a moment, just punched him in the stomach, and ran out.

The three of them were left there, none of them quite sure what had happened.

Harry looked particularly shocked, but recovered from it before the other two.

-lie-

_When I dream, I dream of your lips,_

_when I dream, I dream of your kiss,_

_when I dream, I dream of your fists,_

_(Pierrot The Clown, Meds, Placebo)_

_-lie-_

_Damn it,_ Draco thought to himself, as he stood in front of his bathroom mirror the next morning. _Damn it, damn it, damn it! _Rons punch had given him a black eye, and he was now going to be late, because he had to cover it up. It didn't hurt that much, and luckily he hadn't gotten swollen, but he was red and slightly blue, and of course he couldn't walk around looking like that. The paleness of his face only amplified it, and for those who have never been sickly pale, I can tell you, it makes a makeup cover-up much more hard to do, and more time consuming. A thick layer of concealer and some nearly white powder took him fifteen minutes to perfect- and now he had to stop by bathrooms regularly throughout the day to make sure it was still flawless, and make sure nothing came in contact with it. _Damn it, _he thought again, still annoyed. _Damn that Weasley._

-lie-

Harry was nervous. He had gotten a note, telling him to meet Draco, and it was just barely that he went.

He cursed himself for his feelings, and even more for giving in to them.

If Draco had been late, he might not have waited. Or at least that was what he wanted to think. Noone will ever know though, because the moment Draco entered the room, Harrys battles with his heart was already lost.

Draco threw himself onto the sofa, and closed his eyes.

"Baaaad day" he cooed. "Bad, bad day."

Harry wanted to say something about it being earned, something really cruel, if nothing else to make Draco apologize for hitting him. But as usual, things involving Draco didn't go as Harry had planned, and in stead he just walk over and sat down next to him.

"Well, now you're here, and it's okey again." Draco added sweetly, and Harry could see all his plans disappear. He could be mad another time.

A/n: Okey, sorry for long delay, sorry for short chapter. But I've had a bit of a HUGE writers block, but now I'm back. Not betaed or re-written as usual, but I hope to fix that once I've written the last few chapters. Yes, it is nearing the end now. New chapter out in not too long.


	7. Part 7

A/n: Whoa! Part freakin' SEVEN! Gosh. Um.. yeah, well, this will be the last part, thereby a bit longer then the others. Might try to rewrite some of the others together- never intended it to become this long. Um.. I kinda lost my way in the middle there, just kept going ooon, and ooooon, forever, without getting anywhere. I'll fix that now. It's because I'm in novel-mode. Yeah, that must be it. Anyways, here's the ending:

**Ashtray Hearts.**

**Part VII.**

Waking up in the morning, wishing you hadn't, is not a very good feeling to live with for longer periods of time. It's actually quite tireding, and Hermione found that the more tired she got, the harder it was to ignore the feeling and actually move her feet out of bed every morning. Then it was the pains of acting 'normal' to the other girls, sneaking a sniff in the bathroom while getting ready, and then the day began.

Mornings were the worst, but she wasn't very found of the rest of the day either.

Playing cool with Harry and Ron was getting extremely difficult- specially Ron. Lying to them, always faking a smile and always trying to think of ways to get a new fix, was pulling her apart. She didn't know how much longer she could keep it up, but luckily she had an excuse not to be over-cheerful all the bloody time. You-know-who was out there, you could feel it in the air, and Harry was getting more and more suspicious about what was happening around them at Hogwarts. In a way she was glad- if they had been just three normal friends under normal circumstances, the other two might have noticed her problems.

-lie-

As Draco lit his cigarette, Harry stared up into the sealing, amazed and ashamed by what they had just done. It had become somewhat of a habit now, that Draco smuggled him into his room, but he never got used to it. Unsure what to say, and knowing Draco preferred that he didn't say anything at all, he just lay there, trying not to think.

-lie-

The big bang was closing in. There was no longer a question of if, it was only _when_ and how hard. There was nothing she could do but wait for it, and try to not fall so hard she couldn't land, or pick herself up again.

-lie-

Meeting him in the abandoned hallway, Harry was tired. Tired of lying to his friends, tired of Draco. Tired of doing things he wasn't ready for, tired of feeling used.

As the other boy enters, pushes him into the wall and started kissing him, things started moving as in slow motion, or covered with fog. He wriggled out of his grip, and before he knew what was happening, they were yelling at each other, and using names and tones they hadn't used while alone for a very long time.

-lie-

Later that night, Draco was staring at his own reflection while removing his make-up. _I won_, he thought, smirking slightly. _I had him, and now there's no point in making an effort to keep him, so it's finally over. Free to do whatever I want, as publicly I want, without having to explain. And I won. I actually got him._

-lie-

War brakes out at Hogwarts. Dumbledore is killed, several students and other injured. No point in retelling the tale.

-lie-

It was like a dark rug had been thrown over their world. Wherever he went, Ron felt like he was in a war zone. There seemed to be broken glass, furniture and walls everywhere, no matter how much the house elves cleaned. Parts of the castle was closed- around where the worst battles had been. That didn't matter much to him anyway- he couldn't have gone near where his brother was attacked. Still, he had a feeling that something more was wrong, this night. This one last night, before it was to be final, and Dumbledore would be buried.

Everyone else was asleep, or at least in their beds. Ron moved through the castle, as if on auto-pilot. He didn't realize where he was going, until he realized where he had stopped.

Entering the prefects bathroom, he saw her at once.

She was half sitting, half lying in a corner, unlike what he had ever seen her like before. She seemed to be unconscious, yet she lifted her head slightly to look at him. Her clothes were scattered over the floor, and all she had left was summer-nightgown, short, with tank tops. It seemed ironic to him that she looked so innocent in her short white dress, when he was sure she had done something to herself.

He didn't know much about muggle drugs, but what he did know, was that some of it was shaped like the white powder lying on a small pocket-mirror on the floor, in front of her. Kneeling down next to her, he took her head in his hands, fighting for her attention.

"Hermione!" he called desperately. "Don't you dare doing this!"

Her teary eyes met his, and he hoped that somewhere, beneath whatever she had done to herself, there was still _Hermione_, and that he could find her again, and somehow fix this.

**The End.**

A/n: hahah! I know how many people HATE those kind of not-really-endings! I kinda fancy them though. You never know if it worked out. Hm, um... Well. That was kinda it, so.. Hope you enjoyed. If you did, there's shitloads more where this came from.

Appologize for some of the weirdness in the sixth chapter, I was influenced by a manipulating guy I thought I was cracy about. Need to get my personality back, then I'll fix it. I cannot write now.


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